“Hi, it’s been a while since I’ve made any posts and, in my mind, understandably so, I’ve just been going through a lot.
I’m now back here at Mount Parnassus in the hospital. I’ve been in and out of the hospital a lot, frequently, mostly dealing with pain due to metastasis, and now also looking at surgery due to metastasis because if I don’t try to clear some area around my T-9 (thoracic-9) part of my spine then I could become paralyzed and that’s just, you know, the top of the pile of crap that I’ve been dealing with.
There’s metastasis on my head and I’m getting an MRI of my brain. Needless to say that this is troubling me and Beth and my family quite a bit and everybody has been so incredibly supportive and I am so grateful for all of you for how supportive you’ve been. Thank you so much for that. Please continue to be, not only for me and for Beth Leigh and my family because we all need it right now.
I don’t even know how to look at this anymore. The amount of news I’ve gotten recently has created one of those moments where you just feel like all you can do is laugh because things can’t get any worse than this, you know?
My brain could be metastasizing; I could become paralyzed and there is a new area of metastasis three or four vertebrae up that I have to have irradiated now which is what I’m doing now and have been doing for the last few days. And in all of that I should include getting this other surgery to get an interscalene pump that will reduce the pain I feel throughout my body.
The amount of pain I feel throughout the body requires enough painkillers to, probably, to at least sedate a large animal like an elephant.
What can I say - my spirits – I’m so excited to be alive but I don’t want to suffer anymore. Suffering sucks. If there’s any hard part of this struggle it’s identifying with suffering and identifying with pain and allowing either one of those to overtake the last beautiful, loving moments I may have in my life. It’s my work.
from:anonymous date:Oct. 11th, 2007 03:39 am (UTC) Link
Hey Brother, It's great to hear your voice but I'm so sorry to hear you've been in such terrible pain. I wish you relief and hope everything you (and the doctors) are doing right now is effective. Besides a super-short trip through the Bay for meetings after the last SFT Action Camp, I haven't been out in quite a while... haven't seen you since that moving day to Sausalito. Kayana and I were talking about you recently and she scolded me for what I realize now is pretty stupid and selfish. I was telling her how I've thought you've got a lot of really great friends out there – closer friends than me – and I don't want to bother you by calling... cuz you know, I'm not up on your schedule, not sure when is a good time. I just think I'll see you soon when I get back out to the Bay. WTF?! It's been too long and I miss you and I really want you to know how often you're in my thoughts. Lemme know when I can give you a call and say hi, will ya? Or gimme a ring when you're up for it. Sending you all the peaceful, healing, warm energy this aging punk-rocker can muster. Much love, Han 917-418-4133
from:jerumi date:Oct. 15th, 2007 01:10 am (UTC) Link
I Love Ya Han, just gimme a call bro, of course I'd like to talk to you any day. I cherish the time(s) that we've had to gether. They've been incredibly transformational -eh? I mean everything we did together at Ruckus and RAN, culminating in Seattle and on and on? We may not be the closest of friends but certainly comrades who for some reason, act of will(s), together with a log of other wonderful people, pulled some great stuff together that is still reverberating on the planet. I love that we have shared that together. And with you it was almost always a very high point. I hope we get to have more of them..
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cauch
from Han
from: anonymous
date: Oct. 11th, 2007 03:39 am (UTC)
Link
It's great to hear your voice but I'm so sorry to hear you've been in such terrible pain. I wish you relief and hope everything you (and the doctors) are doing right now is effective. Besides a super-short trip through the Bay for meetings after the last SFT Action Camp, I haven't been out in quite a while... haven't seen you since that moving day to Sausalito. Kayana and I were talking about you recently and she scolded me for what I realize now is pretty stupid and selfish. I was telling her how I've thought you've got a lot of really great friends out there – closer friends than me – and I don't want to bother you by calling... cuz you know, I'm not up on your schedule, not sure when is a good time. I just think I'll see you soon when I get back out to the Bay. WTF?! It's been too long and I miss you and I really want you to know how often you're in my thoughts.
Lemme know when I can give you a call and say hi, will ya? Or gimme a ring when you're up for it.
Sending you all the peaceful, healing, warm energy this aging punk-rocker can muster.
Much love,
Han
917-418-4133
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Re: from Han
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jerumi
date: Oct. 15th, 2007 01:10 am (UTC)
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J
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