The only real prison is fear, and the only real freedom is freedom from fear.

Jeremy¹s Memorial at Esalen this Sunday 3:00 p.m.

Tue, 27 Nov 2007 23:54:42 GMT

Dear friends and family,

As Jeremy's wife, I would like to announce the passing of my beautiful
husband on Friday, November 23 at 6:59pm. While holding hands and being
held, Jeremy's spirit left in peace to continue his great journey.

In honor of Jeremy, we are holding a memorial at Esalen Institute: a place
that was, and will always be sacred and special in our hearts. We will be
gathering this Sunday Dec. 2nd at 3pm, to honor Jeremy's life. We request
that you please bring a sunflower to hold, as it is a symbol of celebrating
life and love. And pillows and blankets for your comfort.

There will be signs posted at the entrance that will lead you to this sacred
gathering. Please follow the link below for information about Esalen.

If you plan on attending please RSVP by responding to this email, healjer@gmail.com

www.esalen.org

Esalen Institute
55000 Highway 1
Big Sur CA 93920

http://maps.google.com

With Love,
Beth Leigh

Sat, 10 Nov 2007 02:15:56 GMT

Join us this Sat. in Celebration with Jeremy at Forest Hills Club House

You're invited! Print Invitation Details

Host:	Ginger Cassady
Location:	Forest Hills Club House 381 Magnellan Ave., San Francisco, CA 94116 US Find a Hotel \|
When:	Saturday, November 10, 12:00PM
Phone:	415-640-7155

Jeremy is inviting friends and loved ones to a Celebration/Commemoration for him this Saturday, November 10th. This is a time to celebrate and honor Jeremy's life, a time to laugh, play and be with friends and loved ones. The celebration is planned to be Forest Hills Club house in Twin Peaks at Noon. Please join Jeremy for this special event. It is a potluck, so bring food, blankets, pillows, musical instruments,flowers and greatest, most cherished Jeremy stories. For those not able to make it to SF, please consider getting in touch with Jeremy and tell him about your favorite memories you share with him! Do Not Follow the linked Map use this web address or map quest from your location. http://www.google.com/maps?hl=en&q=381+Magellan+Ave+San+Francisco,+CA+94116&fb=1&geocode=17015610511981729988,37.744918,-122.462864&cd=1&ie=UTF8&z=16&iwloc=addr&om=1

Voice Post: Today, Living Celebration/ Living Wake

Wed, 31 Oct 2007 21:28:14 GMT

Voice Post: More information on the living celebration

Wed, 31 Oct 2007 19:03:57 GMT

Voice Post: After Surgery & RAN event

Sun, 21 Oct 2007 15:17:39 GMT

Voice Post: At Mt. Parnassus Hospital

Tue, 09 Oct 2007 21:17:48 GMT

Voice Post: 4th Ceremony and Oregon possibility

Sun, 12 Aug 2007 05:55:33 GMT

Healing Ceremony Tonight

Fri, 10 Aug 2007 23:25:45 GMT

Healing Ceremony Tonight!

At Sunset, please light a candle and meditate on my healing. Focus your energy on my healing and think only about your most favorite moments in life. Send that energy to me. Watch "Fire the Grid" if you have time.

Fire the Grid
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cqUAluDvuU4

Jeremy UPDATE 7/06/07

Fri, 06 Jul 2007 18:44:52 GMT

Dear family & friends,

What a long strange trip it continues to be. A lot has happened over the past few months that I haven't really felt up to communicating until now. Thankfully I am feeling better and more like reaching out.

CHEMOTHERAPY:
The second chemotherapy trial (Epothilone B and Mitoxantrone) didn't work at all. I started having more distressing symptoms early in this trial. And, honestly, this period was the most difficult time for me so far. The cancer metastasized throughout my pelvis to the point where soft tissue began to put pressure on the nerves throughout my pelvis (called the cauda equina or "horses tail" syndrome). This caused me all kinds of trouble including a lot more pain and a lot less control of my bladder and bowels for about a month..

And it was just bad luck that my oncologist was traveling for a week during this time, plus my MRI results were slow in getting read and sent to UCSF, AND I had a hard time getting anyone at UCSF to take me seriously while he was away. So I ended up having to deal with weeks of unnecessary pain and uncomfortability. Bone pain is very hard to treat and incredibly painful for some people. I have been dealing with this pain since before I was diagnosed. Its like something gnawing at you from the inside, so deep that sometimes you don't even know its there and then suddenly your bones feel like splinters, and the pain surges in your upper legs, arms, shoulders, chest, head - literally throbbing with every heartbeat. When the pain was at its worse, not even 4 times the morphine worked. Not fun. My only respite from it was getting daily ear acupuncture with electric stimulation from Michael McCulloch and Johanna at the clinic which really helped interrupt the pain cycles.

Finally, this horses tail syndrome landed me in the emergency room which included a four day stay at UCSF and 4 more units of blood over a few days time. It also started a 10 day course of radiation therapy focused on my pelvic area and on T-12 (thoracic vertebrae # 12). The radiation actually didn't hurt at all when I got it but the long term fatigue and other symptoms suck. To make it easier for me mentally and spiritually I imagined everyday that it was divine light touching the parts that needed to be healed and protecting the other parts that it was vibrating through. The radiologists were all very nice (if not a little weird, they do work in a basement all day behind lead doors) and I suppose it made it easier to lay under this big machine when I saw the children's stickers on it that I could play with. And I also saw the children, and even some infants getting radiation daily. Thinking about their struggle made it easier for me to deal with mine. The hardest part about it was that it was over my stomach and my intestines which caused another two weeks of vomiting and other digestive issues. But, thank the Creator, the upside to all of this is that it worked! I now have a lot less pain and complete control of my bodily functions again - which is a relief only known to those who have lost them..

NEW TREATMENTS:
Since radiation I have been on a "chemo-vacation." Instead I am trying two experimental drugs, one called GM-CSF (Granulocyte Macrophage Colony Stimulating Factor) and the other DCA (dichloroacetic acid). The GM-CSF works to stimulate my immune system to kill the cancer and the DCA stimulates cellular death inside the cancer cell (apoptosis). In addition to this I am still taking lots of herbs and supplements (when I can keep them down) that Michael Broffman at the Pine St. Clinic recommends. I have no idea if these drugs are working yet but I do know that my most recent PSA is up again to 460+ which is not a good sign. It actually dropped to 160 three weeks ago - this was probably due to the intense radiation and not from the drugs, but who knows for sure?

SIDE - EFFECTS:
The side effects of these drugs are fairly benign compared to chemo, but sometimes painful. The GMCSF actually stimulates new white blood cell production which can cause a "bone flare" in my chest and other regions where the bones produce blood cells. This just adds to the bone pain. And for some unexplained reason, I have been vomiting about every other day regardless if I am taking anything or not.

PROGNOSIS:
It's really hard to tell. Just because the cancer is progressing does not necessarily mean that I am losing. From the time that I was originally diagnosed to now, we have managed to slow the cancer's progress down significantly. I consider this a victory in the longer battle over time. At the moment I am dealing with a neck / head ache and vomiting which can really wear me down when it is bad. But I have been feeling better for the past week. I just had an MRI of my neck and brain to determine if the pain was caused by the metastasis and if it has gotten into the brain (vomiting) and thankfully it has not gotten into the brain at all. Unfortunately the cancer has spread a little bit inside the skull and neck bone but it has stayed well within the boundaries of bone (which is what prostate cancer usually does, so there is no great risk of it going into the brain). My oncologist is discussing the possibility of a short burst of radiation to help address the pain in the neck and skull. I may do this next week if it is possible. In terms of the nausea, all I can do for now is take anti-nausea meds and hope for it to go away.

NEXT-STEPS:
If the GMCSF and DCA work then I will continue on it for as long as possible. But since my PSA is up again I will probably start another combination of chemotherapy - carboplatin and taxol which is not an easy therapy but supposedly an effective one for stubborn cancers. If that doesn't work, then its back to the drawing board. On September 7-9 there is a conference in LA (The 2007 National Conference on Prostate Cancer) that will bring a lot of the experts together to present the latest treatments for prostate cancer world wide. Beth and I intend to go to this to see what else is out there. There is always the possibility that a new clinical trial may start somewhere in the world that may be very promising. This is the kind of thing a lot of advanced cancer patients face. They go from one trial to the next in order to stay alive until they find a cure.

THE CLOSEST THING TO A CURE?:
There is also the possibility for me to get a "mini-allogenic transplant" which is a type of bone marrow transplant that does not require that you completely destroy your own bone marrow before receiving another one. Theoretically this is the closest thing to a cure that I may have the opportunity to try. The idea is that once you receive another person's marrow that this new marrow / immune system will take on the cancer and actually kill it. I am excited about this possibility but there are big pro's and con's to this approach because if it doesn't work, if the new marrow doesn't "graft" or take hold and replace my marrow, then I will have that much less bone marrow of my own to fight off any infections, diseases or cancer. Its a big gamble but may end up being more promising looking down the line. I am doing research into this now and if anyone has any experience in this area, please let me know.

WORK:
I am not working and probably won't any time soon. June 5th was the last day of my CA State Disability payments (which covered 100% of my paychecks) and now I am getting 40% less. Thats a big hit for us but at least I do have long term disability (LTD). If Greenpeace hadn't paid for LTD for their employees, Beth and I would have to leave California and I would be only receiving a very small Social Security payment. In terms of medical bills, etc. I am still getting some $1000 medical bills (from last year!) and depending on the month I'm still paying $500 - $1500 over what I make. This is just counting money spent on medical co-pays, medicine, acupuncture and herbs. I am only able to do this because of your generosity and help with fund-raising, and my savings. I look forward to the time where I can work again and repay my generous family and friends in any way that I can.

Although I have not had the energy for anything steady, I am trying to contribute in any way that I can. I recently co-wrote my first peer reviewed article titled "Antioxidants & Chemotherapy for Advanced Prostate Cancer:"

View it here:
http://www.pinestreetfoundation.org/avenues/avenues18/byoa18.html

And I am now volunteering at the Pine Street Clinic once a week, when I feel up to it. Its great to still be able to contribute when I can. It makes me feel more alive

HELP:
Beth and I can still use all the same types of support with rides, especially during treatment days. We have found Meals of Marin (MoM) which will deliver a cooked meal for both of us (75% organic) up to 7 days a week! The food is good about 60% of the time but who can complain? Any meals or other support that you want to add to this is much appreciated :).

Thank you again to everyone for your love and support. In the face of all of this I am still feeling happy much of the time and I am continuing to explore healing with my traditional healer and friend Miguel. Before the latest healing ceremony, I was feeling like giving up before the ceremony. I had no energy, was sick of suffering and felt overwhelmed by my own life. By the end of it I felt so uplifted by the love in the room that I was a transformed person. I feel fortunate to have experienced a moment where my closest friends and much of my family have been able to get together to express their Love for me. To the point where one feels and knows without a doubt that there is enough Love in the world to continue to exist.

Love,
Jeremy

WEDDING PHOTOS!!!

Sun, 03 Jun 2007 23:31:02 GMT

Hi Everyone, we've finely posted the photos of both wedding ceremonies. Please look at them at your leisure. Instead of us coordinating the printing of photos for everyone we have decided to make them available for you to download at full resolution and print them yourself. Just goto:

http://www.jeremypaster.com/wedding

1) Click on the first image to open the slide show (they are in order so check out the whole show).

2) To PRINT an image -click "download full resolution image" below the image you want. Then right-click (PC) or control-click (Mac) to download / save the image to your computer. From there you can either send it to your favorite printer (we like SF Photoworks -- http://www.photoworkssf.com/) or you can burn a CD and take it to your local photo store.

We hope that you enjoy the slide-show. It brings back memories of the best day of our lives together.

Love,
Bethleigh & Jeremy

Voice Post: The Past Three Weeks (continued)

Sun, 06 May 2007 07:48:10 GMT

Voice Post: Cauda Equina Syndrome - The Past Three Weeks

Sun, 06 May 2007 07:34:14 GMT

Voice Post: The Party, Community & Treatment Update

Wed, 25 Apr 2007 06:17:12 GMT

Come to the Party!

Fri, 13 Apr 2007 06:24:03 GMT

~ Party for Prana ~

Join us for a special celebration on Earth Day Weekend

honoring

Jeremy Paster

and

raising funds for

'Healing the Roots Foundation'

When & Where?

Saturday, April 21, 2007
7pm - ???
at the
House of York
953-955 York Street
San Francisco, CA 94110

Celebrate Prana, life force, what Dylan Thomas calls "the force that through the green fuse drives the flower."
Together, we will invoke, imagine, and revel in the delightfulness and deep beauty of life!

** Food and Spirits by all of YOU (It's a potluck) ** Merriment ** Revelry ** A Silent Auction **

Honor our friend, colleague, and eco-warrior Jeremy Paster at this party and fundraising event for the organization that he's founded:
Healing the Roots Foundation was created to provide financial relief to activists who have been diagnosed with a life-threatening illness or have suffered a serious injury.

SAVE THE DATE - SATURDAY, APRIL 21st

This event is lovingly hosted by:
~Deborah Cooper, Fern Feto Spring, Ilyse Hogue, Celia Alario, Casey Harrell, Marianne Manilov, Jim Ace, Mojgone Azemun, Heidi Quanti, John Quigley, Krikor Didonian, Nancy Johnson, Atossa Soltani, & Thomas Cavanagh , Carter Brooks, John Sellers, Lynn Stone and Han Shan ~

To volunteer your support for this event please contact:
For Silent Auction Items: Deborah Cooper deborahoak@gmail.com
For Food and Bevies: krikor.didonian@sfo.greenpeace.org
For Logistics: casey@forestethics.org
For General Information and Coordination: fern@wisestars.net

Voice Post: It's been a year...

Sun, 01 Apr 2007 06:33:17 GMT

UPDATE

Tue, 27 Feb 2007 09:09:09 GMT

Dear family & friends,

It has been a while since I have written an update or a blog so this will take care of both. I wish I had better news but unfortunately I have to deal with the reality of where I am at, at the moment. Its tough to weather this kind of thing with grace, especially when we keep getting bad news. But as Miguel, a che'ney (Masotec for ~ "he who has access to hidden power" / a traditional healer who I have been working with) sang in the recent healing ceremony for me:

"Witchi tai tai, tu me rai, hoah nika, hoah nika
Hey hey, hey hey, noah."

which roughly translates to:

"Water spirit swimming round my head,
Make me feel glad that I'm not dead..."

CHEMOTHERAPY: The biggest news this month is that the Chemotherapy (Taxotere / Docetaxel) that I was doing is no longer working. My PSA (Prostate ((not-so))-Specific Antigen) was at ~80 when I started chemo and it is now at 179 and rising. This is the primary indicator that the chemo is not working anymore and also my latest bone scan confirmed that there is more metastasis, mostly in my pelvis. I got this news about a month ago and since then I've been researching what to do next. As a result of the rise in PSA and the decision to look for another treatment I ended up having a small chemo vacation and went 5 weeks without chemo instead of the usual 3. This was a mixed blessing. On one hand it was a relief not to get the chemo flu again and I had more energy then usual. On the other, I ended up having substantially more pain in my left pelvic crest. So on week 5 I got another dose of Taxotere which, interestingly, is still helping with pain.

NEXT STEP: I decided to start a new trial at UCSF which is a combination of two chemotherapies; one old (Mitoxantrone) and one new (Epothilone B). The theory is that they will have a synergistic effect which will make them more powerful in combination. It looks like a good next step in terms of it being a potentially effective trial that every oncologist who I have talked with thinks could be an effective combination. This trial also keeps the most number of doors open for me in the future for other trials, if it doesn't work. And it is close to home and to my support systems which are almost equally important logistical issues when deciding what to do and where to go.

The clinical trial experience is personally frustrating and completely unsympathetic to the individual's predicament, but it is the only way / chance that I can get treated with some drugs. This new trial is a Phase I / II trial and I am guaranteed to get the medicine. The last trial was Phase III and I was randomized out of getting the experimental drug G-Vax. I doubt that I will ever do a trial like that again but at the time I felt justified since it was my first treatment with chemotherapy and I was guaranteed at least the Taxotere, which is the "standard of care" outside of research hospitals. I was hoping that the standard of care alone would work, which is a conservative choice when you are dealing with clinical trials where toxicity is always an issue, especially if you are young and don't want to deal with the unknown long term side effects of unproven drugs.

SIDE - EFFECTS: I won't really know until I try but the list is very similar to the last treatment which includes fatigue, nausea, vomiting, digestive problems, nerve pain and general flu-like symptoms. The transfusions will take about 4 hours compared to one hour for the Docetaxel. But Mitoxantrone is considered fairly well tolerated and so far no-one has had very bad side-effects from the Epothilone. If you would like to know more details about the chemotherapy just let me know.

PROGNOSIS: I'm not out of the woods. I have no idea if this new treatment is going to work. I still believe that something will work and that ultimately I will beat this thing. I am doing a lot of complimentary treatment with herbs and supplements and I am working with a number of people who are following the latest research and experimental treatments for prostate cancer in the U.S., Europe and China. I have also been doing healing ceremonies with Miguel which are immensely healing on an emotional and spiritual level, and hopefully a physical one too. At the very least, the "Ghostdancing" with Miguel is transforming my experience of life. Its difficult to describe, like trying to define Love or God. But I feel lucky to have a sense of knowing that no matter what, everything is going to be okay. If you want to know more about Ghostdancing you can check my blog.

WORK: Not much change here except that I now sometimes feel like volunteering. My energy is still up and down and I am not sure what to expect with the new treatment. I am interested in doing a little more travel and small, week long projects on occasion that would give me inspiration, a chance to give something back and a chance to be with people. I miss playing with my friends..

HELP: Beth and I can still use all the same types of support especially during the first week of treatment. We are learning that it is better if someone else does the actual coordination and communication with the various people that want to help. This takes a lot of pressure off of me. Our friend Johanna has offered to coordinate the cooking, rides and chores, so anyone interested in this type of help can contact her at: johanna@caminoroyale.com or 415-299-7095

IMMEDIATE NEEDS: We are looking for a freezer -- that we can put in our garage to fill up with food. We are thinking about a chest style at least 7 cubic feet of storage, but anything will do. This is the easiest way to create the most benefit with the least amount of disruption. With a freezer, people can cook when they have time and deliver it to the freezer in our garage when they are able. Then we can easily get it when we need it. If anyone knows of a freezer that is available and has a way to deliver it please let us know. It will be immensely helpful if you find a freezer that you also coordinate the delivery.

FUNDRAISING: The photo website is raising a little money - A BIG THANK YOU TO ALL! I will be posting new photos there so be sure to check in. Also Celia, Deborah, Fern and others have started to plan a fundraiser for late April in San Francisco, stay tuned for that.

Thank you again to everyone that is sending there love and support.

Love
Jeremy

Blog: jerumi.livejournal.com
Web: www.jeremypaster.com

Voice Post: and the frogs sang!!!

Sun, 28 Jan 2007 20:05:05 GMT

Voice Post: Ghostdancing Part III

Sat, 27 Jan 2007 23:29:09 GMT

Voice Post: Ghostdancing Part II

Sat, 27 Jan 2007 23:15:17 GMT

Voice Post: Ghostdancing Part I

Sat, 27 Jan 2007 23:03:19 GMT

Scientists Explore Virus-Prostate Cancer Link

Thu, 18 Jan 2007 00:47:56 GMT

I've heard about this before but I haven't seen any recent news on it for awhile. It has a ring of truth to it for me since so far nothing else points to a reason why I contracted prostate cancer. The limited genetic testing that exists which I have done has turned up negative and I've always had a fairly healthy diet and lifestyle. So that narrows down the reasons to environmental exposure to toxins, bacteria and or viruses, bad karma or chaos...

~ Jeremy

http://health.msn.com/centers/cancer/articlepage.aspx?cp-documentid=100153431&GT1=8971

Scientists Explore Virus-Prostate Cancer Link

If proven, research could lead to a vaccine, experts say

By Randy Dotinga, HealthDay Reporter

TUESDAY, Jan. 16 (HealthDay News) -- Scientists are unraveling the secrets of a virus found in prostate cancer patients that might spur the disease.

In a new study, a U.S. team of researchers says the virus appears to be an infectious retrovirus with the ability to hijack body cells. Retroviruses are a family of viruses that include HIV.

There's no indication yet that the virus could cause or worsen prostate cancer, but the study authors are intrigued by the prospect.

"We have a long way to prove that it's a cause-and-effect, but it's a possibility," said study co-author Robert H. Silverman, a professor and researcher at the Cleveland Clinic. "Another question is whether the virus is associated with other kinds of cancer besides prostate cancer."

It's not uncommon for contagious viruses to be connected to cancer. For example, a sexually transmitted virus known as HPV (human papilloma virus) is considered a major cause of cervical cancer.

Last year, researchers from Cleveland Clinic and the University of California at San Francisco reported the existence of the prostate cancer-linked retrovirus, known as XMRV. They found it in prostate cancer patients and suspected it may have something to do with the disease.

According to the Prostate Cancer Foundation, prostate cancer strikes one in six American men and is the most prevalent form of non-skin cancer in the United States. Risk rises with age, with more than 65 percent of all cases diagnosed in men over the age of 65.

The new study, published in this week's issue of the Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences, found that XMRV is infectious and works by taking over the reproductive machinery of cells and making them create more virus.

The researchers also found that the medication interferon seemed to kill the virus.

The infectious nature of the virus raises the question that it could be contagious, perhaps through sex, Silverman said.

If the virus does cause prostate cancer, "that would have significant implications," he said. "There could be early screening, and maybe it could be done on men much younger than ages 40 to 50."

Discovery of a virus that causes cancer could also lead to antiviral medications -- such as those that treat HIV -- and even a vaccine, Silverman said.

However, it's also possible that the virus may not cause prostate cancer. "We should know a lot more in one to two years," Silverman said.

For now, researchers are developing ways to test for the virus and potentially explore its effects on animals.

Dr. Bruce Roth, a professor of medicine and urologic surgery at the Vanderbilt-Ingram Cancer Center, said the findings are worthy of more research, and he agrees that a cause-and-effect relationship between the virus and prostate cancer could lead to a vaccine or antiviral drugs.

Even if only a small percentage of prostate cancer cases are connected to the virus, that could mean a "a huge step forward" in treatment, he said.

a response to 'I hope I didn't say something wrong'

Tue, 02 Jan 2007 00:27:07 GMT

I thought I'd elevate this to an actual post because I know that some people don't know how to check my responses to their comments. BTW you do that by selecting the number between the brackets just to the right of the text 'leave a comment.' So here it is:

If you don't say who you are how could I ever know who you are and what you have said?

But please don't worry, my posts are about conversations that I've had in person, not over this blog. Plus if you have said it then I think I've clarified my take on it with 'more on casting doubt.' Or You can ask me in person.

I'm really not trying to shut people up. I just want to point out that if You have anxiety about my healing, maybe its because You feel powerless and feeling like you have little to no control is hard to sit with. I have had the opportunity to experience what that feels like and it sometimes motivates me to do or say things that help distract me from touching the void of not being in control. I just want people to be real with themselves and real with me.

Jeremy

Voice Post: More on Casting Doubt

Sun, 31 Dec 2006 06:53:17 GMT

I hope this post is a little clearer. What it boils down to is that if you believe in the power of intention to change reality and you want to tell me about it --thank you for the reminder. Be confident that I am there with you, that I am doing enough. Intend and interact with me as if I am on a healing path.

And if you are worried about what's going to happen, that's okay too. Just communicate it as if it is your problem, not mine, unless your my doctor...

Voice Post: Casting Doubt.

Sat, 30 Dec 2006 07:07:10 GMT

Voice Post: 10 Second Spot

Sat, 30 Dec 2006 06:59:16 GMT