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Voice Post: 10 Second Spot

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Dec. 29th, 2006 | 11:59 pm

904K 5:08
“Gosh it’s been a while since I’ve done a voice post and I’m doing it from my phone so it is not going to be as clear. But I feel moved to do one, and it’s been a while. I’ve had some aversion to doing one lately and I’m not really sure why except that I guess I would like to have something to say. I don’t want to repeat myself endlessly on this blog.

So, a few updates:

Our honeymoon was wonderful; I should start a whole blog on my relationship to Beth but it would probably mostly only be interesting to us, so I won’t do that (laughter).

Stayed at the One And Only Pamilla in Baja and were treated like movie stars for about 5 days. It was just a really great way to break up the fog and rain in northern California with some warmth and sun, and just to spend some time with Beth who’s been so busy at work. We had a wonderful time together. And also to get to know her mom and her friend Kay a little better – that was great, too.

What else?

I’m in Albuquerque. We were actually snowed out of our trip to Colorado to visit Beth’s dad so that didn’t happen, but we had a nice, a really nice dinner on Christmas Day with my dad and Maura – that was really nice.

And now I’m visiting my mom and Tom and Toni and her kids in Albuquerque, and I’m really enjoying that.

I feel good.

It’s another week, a little over a week after my 5th chemo cycle and um, you know I just cherish the days that I feel alive without thinking about something like having cancer or dealing with the side effects, be it pain, fatigue or nausea, whatever. That gets old.

There’s not a lot new to report on that. Cancer’s not, especially this cancer, is not a 10-second spot – that’s media jargon if you didn’t understand what I was saying. Like a 10 second television spot. It’s not like a commercial:

//flash// Jeremy has cancer //
//flash// Jeremy is better //

It’s a long process but I certainly feel like I’m healing. I’m focusing on the things that make me feel good, feel alive, feel loved.

One time it’s difficult to continue to do that is when I’m approached by other people with a new idea or something that might imply that I’ve been doing the wrong thing, you know, or not enough. I think that’s a dangerous trap to fall into, because, of course, I want to be open to every possible way to heal but it’s also really important, I think for myself, and most people(not everybody), to feel whole, to feel that you’ve done enough or that you’re doing enough.

So, be wary before you open your mouth and say something. Not saying that I don’t want suggestions on anything and everything new under the sun.

I think, uh, what’s more positive and more important about a healing process is when someone is supportive in that process. And I certainly feel supported.

But I guess I have been unintentionally dwelling on certain remarks, and why not a place like my journal to talk about it.

I guess that’s about it.”

Transcribed by: cauch

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Comments {2}

(no subject)

from: anonymous
date: Jan. 1st, 2007 12:48 pm (UTC)

hope i didn't say something wrong :(

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who are You?

from: jerumi
date: Jan. 1st, 2007 10:00 pm (UTC)

If you don't say who you are how could I ever know who you are and what you have said?

But please don't worry, my posts are about conversations that I've had in person, not over this blog. Plus if you have said it then I think I've clarified my take on it with 'more on casting doubt.' Or You can ask me in person.

I'm really not trying to shut people up. I just want to point out that if You have anxiety about my healing, maybe its because You feel powerless and feeling like you have little to no control is hard to sit with. I have had the opportunity to experience what that feels like and it sometimes motivates me to do or say things that help distract me from touching the void of not being in control. I just want people to be real with themselves and real with me.


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