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Voice Post: It's been a year...

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Mar. 31st, 2007 | 10:33 pm

VoicePost
869K 4:53
“Well, it’s been exactly one year since I was diagnosed with metastatic prostate cancer.

So I’m feeling inclined to leave a post. I’m not exactly sure what to say except that, on the good side, I am actually feeling better today than one year ago, and in terms of my overall healing, that’s a good sign.

A year ago today I could not sleep through the night. I would get bouts every single day of throbbing pain that would not only keep me up but make it impossible to stand, sit, or lay down comfortably. Basically, throb with every heartbeat.

It was certainly a great practice in reminding myself that each moment is temporary and the next moment might be better. Once I could sort of breathe and be in that state and just tell myself every moment, “This moment will also past. The next moment is a new moment”, I would actually feel better. Of course, pain medicine also helped a lot too.

The thirteen days I spent in the hospital was obviously life changing. I spent days without knowing a diagnosis. They drilled into my pelvis twice to try to get a sense of what the cancer was. I got a prostate biopsy which helped identify the fact that the cancer originated as prostate cancer and later spread to my bones. Of course, the biopsy made me pee blood for a couple of days which ended up clotting which meant they had to put a catheter in which was extremely painful. I had bone strengthening drugs which gave me a 104 temperature for a few days.

And I got put on morphine-like drugs to keep the pain away and I was asked to bank sperm which is a little difficult to do when you’re on opiates. So I went off the opiates and had breakthrough pain and did my best to bank sperm because I want to have a child in the future. Any person, any man who wants to bank sperm: definitely don’t do it around the time you have a biopsy because the color brown or dark red is a disturbing color - I won’t get any more graphic than that.

Anyway, enough with the morbid stuff.

I am really hoping that this second clinical trial will work. Actually my numbers don’t look great. The first chemo cycle didn’t really help. My PSA is back up to 426; last year it was 441.

But I can walk and eat and generally enjoy my waking and sleeping moments.

I’m about to run out of time so I guess that’s about it, I know I was going to say something else but it’s slipped my mind.

I guess I want to end this with a thank you to everyone who has been so incredibly kind and supportive and loving through this whole thing. I am so grateful and Beth is so grateful for your support. And, I look forward to spending more time with each and every one of you.

I guess that’s it.
Bye bye.”

Transcribed by: cauch

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Comments {12}

And many more...

from: kilv
date: Apr. 1st, 2007 11:29 pm (UTC)
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No matter who you are, or what the station and situation: It's all about enjoying every waking moment.

I wish you many more blessed years of discovering that which brings you true happiness!

Much Love.
Bro.

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jerumi

Re: And many more...

from: jerumi
date: Apr. 7th, 2007 10:03 pm (UTC)
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Word.

Love,
Jer

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cut my hair & banked the cord blood...

from: lanihorn
date: Apr. 2nd, 2007 04:40 am (UTC)
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This is indeed a bittersweet anniversary. That time you were in the hospital was truly horrific, but here you are today, with strength, grace & mobility I couldn't have foreseen then...

I know it doesn't help you directly, but maybe on some existential plane it will. I cut my thick, long pregnancy hair & sent it to locks of love so that it can be made into a wig for a child with cancer. When Judah was born earlier this month, I insisted that his cord blood, rich with stem cells, get donated to a public cord bank to help somebody with leukemia. (The nurses told me I "didn't have to" because I was pretty weak from my labor...)

I write this to let others know there are things we all can do to reach out to others who have been touched by cancer. Google locks of love or public cord bank donation if you want to contribute. Let us know other things you are doing too... Things like that really help to give me a moment of relief from the painful helplessness I experience as a bystander in Jer's cancer.

Jer, I love you & think of you every day.

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jerumi

Re: cut my hair & banked the cord blood...

from: jerumi
date: Apr. 7th, 2007 10:05 pm (UTC)
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Thanks so much Lani, it does mean a lot to me that you donated your stem cells and your hair. Its a very tangible gift of health and life for someone.

Love,
Jer

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From Butch

from: anonymous
date: Apr. 2nd, 2007 02:12 pm (UTC)
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Brown and red semen? Does this mean that if you use the banked sperm your kid will be Hispanic or Native American? Cool!

Stay strong in the struggle.

Love and peace,
Butch

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jerumi

Re: From Butch

from: jerumi
date: Apr. 7th, 2007 10:08 pm (UTC)
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I dunno, but that would be pretty cool :), there was a rumor for a while about a lost Native American blood line in my Dad's side of the family. I for one think my children might look more African considering the high rate of succeptibilty for prostate cancer among African Americans..

Peace & Love,
Jeremy

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Semen

from: honu143
date: Apr. 2nd, 2007 05:26 pm (UTC)
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Shouldn't your semen be green? Oh, wait, that's your heart that's the color of your heart.

You photo-site is great. We've been fortunate to have traveled to such amazing places. Of course, it's all amazing, all a miracle, and each day is a great fortune. It's just that some days I tend to forget that.

Much love and healing,
Osha

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jerumi

Re: Semen

from: jerumi
date: Apr. 7th, 2007 10:12 pm (UTC)
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Funny you should ask that Osha, it turns out that one of my new chemotherapy drugs is blue. And you know what happens when you mix blue and green? Yes, I pee green for the rest of the day. Of course Greenpeese would get a kick out of that!

Thanks so much for your donation and post. Looking forward to seeing you again sometime.

Much Love,
Jeremy

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(no subject)

from: anonymous
date: Apr. 11th, 2007 08:26 am (UTC)
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Hi Jeremy,

I thought I'd look in here since I haven't heard from you for a little while. I can't believe it's been a year- I still don't know what to say but I keep overwhelmingly impressed with how you have dealt with this situation. You are truly incredible.

We miss you very much in the forest work, but your spirit is always with me. I want to get some results for you too, and I believe that we will.

Love
Mari

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jerumi

(no subject)

from: jerumi
date: Apr. 17th, 2007 01:52 am (UTC)
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Thanks so much Mari, I am very grateful that you are still doing the work in Japan. I appreciate your commitment and your friendship. I only hope that the campaign will continue and you will have a chance to see the fruits of your labor there.

I look forward to seeing you again soon!

With Love,
Jeremy

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Kolakoski

(no subject)

from: kolakoski
date: Apr. 15th, 2007 08:21 am (UTC)
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Jeremy,

In the past year, you have brightened my my family's life.

We met each other approximately one year ago at dinner in Napa Valley. Immediately, I saw what my sister loves in you.

I'm grateful to have met you on this incredible journey. As I have written previously, you are an inspiration--can't wait to see you soon.

Love,
Mike

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jerumi

(no subject)

from: jerumi
date: Apr. 17th, 2007 02:01 am (UTC)
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Thanks so much Mike, I feel so grateful and blessed to have your sister in my life, as my wife. She is such an inspiration and anchor here for me. I'm also really glad to get to know you and the rest of your family. Thanks for staying in touch Brother.

Really looking forward to seeing you soon,
Jeremy

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